


Words left behind

by Deannas



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:38:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannas/pseuds/Deannas
Summary: Just a lil troisha that happened accidentally at 4am. xxx





	Words left behind

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters and all that malarkey~~

"Captain", Deanna appears in Picard's doorway.  
"Come on in, Counsellor". Deanna proceeds to sit almost absentmindedly as the air stiffens with every second she forgets her words. 

Why was she doing this?

"Counsellor. You wanted to speak to me?"

Picard coughs. 

"Counsellor? Is something wrong, is it the warp experiment data and geordi were testing with the-"

"No"

"The ferengi ship from this morning. It hasn't returned has it? I knew we couldn't trust-"

"No no no nothing like that"

He waits. 

"I'm sorry sir I don't know how to.."

"You have something to say". He softens. 

"Yes but I don't know why I'm here to tell you".

"Let me get us some tea". He lets her think a minute.

Tea. Earl grey. Hot. 

A remedy for all ill fit conversations. 

The steam rolls upward from the space between their glasses. 

Avoiding any future speculative query, Deanna decides to unload her worry upon her superior without any further thought to the contrary.

"It doesn't change anything, you see." She thoughtfully starts to explain, yet it is a mere few seconds before the context once more begins to overwhelm her. 

"It doesn't change anything, not really. Not really. I just don't know where to go from here. It doesn't affect the present or the future but it might have. Things could've been so different. Maybe it just affirms things I knew all along. I don't know. I just don't know. Why must it change things now. Why did I have to see".

Picard takes a slow breath of air. 

"Deanna if I only knew what you were referring to maybe I could be so inclined to aid you in your troubles."

She did come here after all.

Okay.

Her hands unfold on the desk. She becomes grimly aware that she'd been clenching it this entire time. 

"A box?".

"Yes. Well I found it and I knew straight away see who had put it there."

"Can you open it for me?"

Deannas places the small item in front of him as he investigates for himself. 

"But there's nothing inside"

"No there isnt", she paces.

"Is there some sort of a mystery you need help with or?"

"No. Unfortunately that has already been solved"

"Unfortunately?"

"Yes. Well no. I don't know why I said that. It was just a shock is all"

Picard squinted, confused. 

A pause.

"Look at the bottom of the box."

What was it? A title. A specification. A.. was that a hologram program record?

"It is what you think. And I activated it. I knew I wasn't ready"

"Deanna", Picard stances himself against his agitated officer.

"Who is this from?"

"See I thought it was a bit of fun at first. She'd planned an evening for us. Maybe it was even a mere afternoon recreation activity she stored here. But the box. I should've seen"

Picard listens.

"I had some of her things. And sometimes I... I go back and look. And I'd never seen it before. Amongst some clothing I'd lent out. It fell out the cloth and I went to see"

Realisation spread over Picards face. 

"Captain I walked in and she was just stood there and I was happy at first. I was sad. I was all those things and then she-"

"Take your time"

"She knelt down.. and she asked", Deanna trails. 

"I never managed to finish hearing the speech."

Despite herself she allows a weak smile to spread her cheeks.

"She'd gone to so much trouble and I didn't listen".

It was surprisingly rare for Jean-luc's vocals to betray him in face of a disagreeable communication. But his calm exterior fizzled to naught with the simple crack of his tone in the moment he now faced. 

"Deanna."

"I don't know why. I just found myself here"

Picard gathered his thoughts. 

...

"She wanted to marry you".

"Captain"

"Deanna look-"

"Captain.. but I did.  
I loved her".

 

I love her very much. 

 

"You're afraid you would've said yes."

"The second you stepped into that hologram you knew you'd lost just that little bit more".

***

Deanna. Hello. That's a bad start. Deanna.  
Deanna Troi. Deanna.  
I was planning to play this cool.  
But you know me. I don't know how to do this.  
No. No I do. You do know me, Deanna.  
I mean. Completely. And you love me, right?  
You do. And I.  
I love you too and see, growing up I never thought I'd get that.  
I never knew I'd be lucky enough to meet someone like you. It's completely improbable.  
We're from two different worlds and yet I look at you and it's like you're all I've ever known.  
The girl from betazed. I look at her and she's laughing, she's smiling.. she's helping people, she's caring, she's fighting, she's hoping, she's loving... she's.  
she's eating chocolate.  
And even now I know I'll never stop wanting to learn more. I.  
I want to be sat with you when you drink your ten millionth mug of hot chocolate!  
In fact I hope I made it for you myself.  
This is silly I know. I'm not much for words.  
You never needed them.  
But I need to have this.  
To know I gave it my all.  
For you to know I'm giving you my all.  
I'm Sorry, I'm just. I'm not used to having something so good and not being scared that it will disappear the second I open my eyes and see that I was dreaming.  
I want to make the most of that. However long Ive got, whatever happens next.  
The enterprise. Space. Life.  
I want to spend all my time with you, Imzadi.  
Yes. Imzadi.  
My Deanna.  
I need to find a way to show you this.  
I thought I was being romantic but if you see this I'm probably standing there beside you knowing it worked out this far. I'm probably right there.  
Waiting for an answer.  
Wait I haven't even asked the question-

"Computer. Freeze program".


End file.
